Day One Hundred Seventy

It seems like each day just blurs into the next. My days are mostly satisfying, especially those times when I'm at work, which is a total turnaround from any notion I've every harbored about work being enjoyable. I've always said my job never defined me the way it does for many people. I never understood those who could say their jobs were fulfilling. I always looked at employment as a means to live the life one desires to live and even with that said, I still couldn't stay at a job once I was bored with it. Restless, restless, restless - I thought this is what would define me to the end. Now I feel like I just want to stay put.

I had a dream the other night that was the most vividly real dream I've ever experienced. I was sitting on a mountain looking off toward a bay or ocean. There were hills rolling down to the water's edge and little bays and islands full of pine trees. It was nighttime, but it was lit up as though a huge full moon was near and even though it was night, there were many intense colors but very dark colors. The sky over the water was full of long, lenticular clouds with the light shining upon them. All of a sudden the land I was sitting on began to drift. The motion scared me but I told myself not to be scared, to go with it and "ride it out" if you will. It was a large mass of land moving away from the water and felt very powerful, almost as if I was riding an earthquake. Then the sky began to change and flash. The colors remained the same and it still appeared to be nighttime. I began to see abstract images in the sky and convinced myself I was dying. I was aware I could turn back, away from the images and stop the process of dying, but I didn't want to. I kept looking at the images which I knew were parts of my life. I saw Eric's eyes, his hands and other parts of him. I saw abstract images of his face, smiling. I wanted to see more and told myself to stay where I was and go with the experience. I was not afraid to die. I didn't desire it, but I didn't fear it either. I just remember the colors and serenity were overpowering. I don't remember any more of the dream.