Day One Hundred Fifty Three, Four, Five and Six

Since Christmas, I have gotten absolutely nothing done. I haven't wanted to do anything and, actually, I did accomplish that, so, maybe I have been able to accomplish something! Anyway, I don't feel bad because of it and I'm certainly not thinking about any resolutions for the new year that I might want to adopt so maybe I'm finally on the right track. What I mean by that is, having the mindset of taking each day as it comes and figuring out what would be meaningful and important for any particular day at any particular time. Sounds good to me. So, with that said, I don't feel like blogging right now - and so I'm not going to.

Days One Hundred Fifty One and Fifty Two

It seems cooking has become a major theme of our Christmas holidays anymore, which is fine with me and much welcomed by my family. We told our boys that once your parens get to a certain age, it seems we just don't need anything anymore. If we do need something, we buy it when we need it and because traveling has become our major pastime, we are usually saving for the next adventure. So, with that said, when our children asked us what would be on our Christmas list, we answered, "food." Our eldest jumped on that opportunity and ended up purchasing all the necessary groceries for Christmas dinner. I left the meat choice up to him and so he bought flank steak from our local butcher. It was fun to welcome him home for the holidays as he brought the cardboard box of food supplies in the door. It felt rather old-fashioned, something that would have been the ultimate gift decades ago. Once arrived, I started making a late breakfast of buckwheat crepes and warm pears which we all enjoyed together as we began our holiday.

The bottle of Roederer champagne Jay brought couldn't wait for Christmas Day dinner, however. That was mainly due to the fact that I had prepared lobster lasagna with a creamy artichoke sauce for Christmas Eve which just screamed for a glass of champagne alongside. Besides, I had an Italian Chianti and a bottle of Cantiga Zinfandel for our beef dinner. After an afternooon walk up near the pits and a day of just lounging, the champagne was uncorked and we toasted the evening along with a classic Ceasar salad to start our dining extravaganza. Once the salad course was consumed and the champagne just about exhausted, we cracked open a bottle of Dry Creek fume blanc and dug into the lobster lasagna. It was delicious and a bit over the top as far as richness was concerned, but because I kept the variety of Christmas Eve food to a manageable selection, we were able to enjoy it's fullness without being stuffed. Earlier, we had been nibbling on a cream cheese cracker spread I had put together after smoking a piece of salmon in the stove-top smoker and mixed with some white cheddar and chipotle seasoning. You could say our Christmas got off to a rather fishy start - but a delicious start at that. Small mincemeat and vanilla ice cream pies ended our food evening and we broke out the Mexican train dominos. Eric ended up the big winner in a surprise finish after thinking we would all go down miserably to Jay's first couple of winning rounds. As I sat having fun, watching my family, and doing something as simple as amusing ourselves with a game, I wondered how many other families were doing the very same thing. What fun.

Christmas morning got off to a late start which it usually does at our house. Bob and I were up earlier than the boys and began the morning sitting in our viewing chairs near the backyard window with our coffee and tea as we watched the birds begin the day feasting on all the seed we had thrown around the ground after filling the numerous bird feeders we have. Once the boys woke up, we had toast and opened gifts. Everyone agreed that we would have an early afternoon dinner so none of use ended up having breakfast. We finished up the salmon spread as we snacked on crackers to get us to the dinner bell. Jay got an RSVP ricer for me for my birthday so he let me open it up early to try out on the mashed potatoes I was preparing. I love it - the potatoes were so light and fluffy. I didn't even put any butter in them, just milk and chopped fresh chives for flavor. I roasted yams and mixed those together with some candied ginger, cinnamon, cloves and just a bit of heavy cream to smooth them out. I crumbled some crushed sage leaves I had crisped in butter over the yams. After purusing my Cook's Illustrated magazines several days ago, I had decided on roasted carrots and parmesan green beans as our vegetables and we began our meal with a wonderful, warm, wilted spinach salad sprinkled with pancetta and feta cheese, sautéed red onions and balsamic vinegar along with the bottle of Chianti. It was nice to sit and talk while leisurely eating our salad and enjoying the Chianti. Once we were done, I exited the table and finished the vegetables for plating, put the hot gravy made from the drippings from the two rolled flank steaks I had coated with a cherry balsamic marinade while cookiing, and took the potatoes and yams out of the warming oven. The Cantiga Zinfandel had been opened earlier to let it breath a bit before dinner. I must say, we all enjoyed the food immensely as there were periods of complete silence between sighs of contentment. We didn't have dessert until 6pm, as we had to recover from dinner first. Once the panna cotta, drizzled with warm berry compote was served, we were all, once again, back into the sighs of contentment phase. After that, we ended up in the living room talking and watching a bit of TV until it was time to say goodnight. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I finally rested this old body on the couch. I feel like I could have slept right there. Needless to say, I fell right asleep once we got to bed and only got up once in the night.

Day One Hundred Forty-Nine and Fifty

It's interesting to me how issues manifest themselves in me, sometimes rather insidiously it seems. There are so many factors that play upon my emotional well-being at any one time and unless I have time to really think them through, these factors end up clouding my ability to see things straight at times. The necessity to reflect on the events that occur in my life, the feelings attached to those events and the need to understand why I am the way I am has come at a very high price - and I mean by that, the dance of time which has left me with a feeling of regret and sadness that I am only now realizing. I think, only now, am I finally willing to look at myself with objectivity. With that said, my dissatisfaction and discontentment is beginning to be understood. My life has been made, shaped and defined by me but, unfortunately, I have only realized this at this point in my life and am wondering if it is too late? There are so many questions I constantly put to myself and sometimes, the answers are disturbing - would I have done this different, would I have not done this or that, would I change things and in what way? Perhaps this is the process everyone ends up going through - a kind of last judgment if you will, a good look at one's life in retrospective. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on this being the last chapter in my "book" but I do want to make the most of the rest of the time I do have on this Earth. And, I don't mean this to be depressing or a commentary of sorrow and regret, I just want to make sure that the forward movement continues forward and that the mistakes of the past are reflected on, learned from, and not repeated. It sounds daunting but I'm up for it and I plan to make the most of each day, but not forget that thoughtful introspection is warranted. I'm sure this is why I am excited about working for the next couple of months and plan to jump in with both feet.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Eight

Hallelujah! There is a God, and God is the Sun, and it's high in the sky and magnificent. As you can probably guess by now, I was elated to see a bright blue sky, birds and glistening snow this morning. There are so many birds out and the resident hawk was perched in the neighbor's tree scoping out the day's first meal. It is truly a sign of the power of light when the birds disappear and don't present themselves until the sun presents itself once again. I went out and threw a bunch of seed on the ground so they can munch away before the next round of rain and snow.

Day One Hundred Forty Six and Forty Seven

I was in a real funk yesterday. The weather was the most depressing display of snow, pouring rain, slush, and dark, dark, dark gloom. Even physically, I was struggling to find solace and comfort which didn't seem to want to manifest. Bob and I decided to brave the weather and head to Grover's Hot Springs just to find some forward momentum in some activity. It helped to get into the hot water, although the temperature wasn't as hot as it usually is. We sat in the hot water and watched several snow squalls move across the little valley below the springs and felt the snow and rain come down, sometimes pretty hard on us while we relaxed. We stopped at the Cutthroat Saloon and had lunch and then headed back home. It was a nice get away and we almost felt as if we were in a time warp as we didn't see many people out that day and we were the only ones in the restaurant.

Today, however, was a different story. After running into a very excellent friend and sharing our mutual stories of our Sunday funk, I felt comforted in a selfish way that I wasn't the only one out there ready to throw in the towel of life. We hugged and reassured each other and ourselves that things would be alright - and they are - because this evening the full moon presented the most incredible optic experience I have ever witnessed during the winter. I have a large maple tree right outside my back door that leads to the backyard. It ends up being beautifully backlit when there is a full moon and tonight was no exception. But something extraordinary occurred mainly due to the wet weather we had on Sunday, my day of funk. There were frozen droplets of water all over the tree - small and round. Because there's going to be a lunar eclipse tonight, I poked my head out the back door and the droplets of water all over the tree were lit up by the moonlight. It was as though the tree was strung with Christmas lights! I keep going out the back door just to catch another glimpse and soak in some of the magic even though it's icy cold outside. It is truly beautiful and I wish I could get a photograph. How magical. Thank you universe for the natural uplift from the dreary doldrums of yesterday.

Day One Hundred Forty-Five

The weather's been pretty blustery and chilly but I did manage to get out and go to the grocery store. However, this afternoon was a different story - it warmed up and the snow has been melting quite rapidly. Despite the warmer temperatures, I felt colder this afternoon than at any other time during the day. So, with that said, I decided I needed to get in the kitchen to warm up. I pulled out a ricotta gnocchi recipe from Cook's Ilustrated as I've been coveting some homemade ricotta I had stored away a couple of weeks ago. The recipe was surprisingly simple as it didn't require any potato mashing, but instead used the ricotta as the base. Since my ricotta was homemade, I was able to omit the necessity of straining the store bought cheese which saved me a lot of time. I think all in all, it only took me about 20 minutes to get the gnocchi ready to cook. While the batter refrigerating for about 15 minutes before cutting, I cooked the sauce which consisted of some leftover marinara with a splash of vodka, some roasted pine nuts and finished with about 1/4 cup mascarpone cheese. I think Bob likes it as I haven't heard a word from him since I put the plate on the table. A good glass of sauvignon is washing it down as we speak. I did taste it and I certainly could eat a whole bowl full, but because my heartburn has been a real issue for the past couple of weeks, I'm not going to risk the tomato acid. Oh well, at least I'm able to feed my husband, and guess what? - I'm sweating!

Day One Hundred Forty Four

It's a good thing I took the time to bask in the sun yesterday because today the snow fell all day long, leaving about 7" on the ground. It was beautiful to watch but I was feeling rather restless this afternoon so I ended up donning my snow gear and schlepping around my neighborhood just to get some exercise. My blood pressure has been a bit high despite the fact that I take medication and have absolutely no stress right now. I'm sure I'll find out that there is stress during the Holidays regardless of whether you feel you should be experiencing it or not. The only problem I've been having is getting a good nights sleep which might be the culprit.

Tonight's going to be a soup night - minestrone. I don't think you can go wrong with a good pot of soup and some crusty French bread on these nights when weather keeps you at home. I can't even imagine having to do any type of Christmas shopping this late in the game. I told my boys that their father and I have enough stuff and what we need, we end up buying when we need it. So, with that said, I let them know that it would be more than welcome if they bought the supplies for the Christmas dinner. We enjoy eating together so much and enjoy each other's company, they might as well be the founders of the feast! They've requested a list and I'll get that together soon. I know it's going to be some type of beef dish, as it seems that's been our tradition now for several years. I'll leave the choice up to them, but a rolled flank steak has been mentioned, as well as medallion of beef. I already have two lobster tails to make ravioli for Christmas Eve. I wish I could have been blessed with skinny genes!

Day One Hundred Forty-Three

It was very enjoyable to have friends over last night. I really should do it more often as it makes me feel a little more connected to others and keeps me from sheltering myself within the confines of my own world. It's funny how I love to travel and yet, moving around within my community has become so painful - just seeing people while going here and there can be quite unnerving.

I was able to get a few Christmas cards done this morning as well. I do love to hand write letters still, as I find just the act of having a pen in hand ends up being an artistic endeavor. It's very beautiful to watch words flow on paper from the ink of the pen as the hand guides it along. I do believe the scrolling letters written as they have been for thousands of years will not be something that endures time much longer with the advent of computers. I mean, look at me, I've joined in the slow death of penmanship as well! I've even resorted to jotting down notes on my iPhone or iPad for future reference. I look at the stacks of handwritten notes I have tucked away in my writing desk and wonder if those will be antiques someday.

Well, Christmas is nearing and I'm pretty much done with my forays into the retail jungle. Not much buying this year as I pretty much leave that up to the boys by giving them money and letting them go get what they need. When I do end up venturing into some of the shops, I come away with nothing as most of it is just stuff, albeit pretty stuff sometimes, but out of the context of the store, becomes rather lonesome when it's taken away from its "friends." (Wow, the sun just popped out from under the clouds - I think it's time to go outside and enjoy it while it lasts.)

Day One Hundred Forty One and Forty Two

Guess what I'm doing? Baking!!! My dining room table is full of sweet goodies for the friends I've invited over for Wine Down Wednesday and I'm working on the savory stuff this morning so that we have a good mix of food for wine tasting. Here's a rundown: mini mincemeat tarts; wine cookies; butter cookies; lavender biscotti; cognac sourcream cake with chocolate frosting; tamale casserole; baked brie with Indian chutney; artichoke and spinach dip; mushroom tarts; and, I'm still thinking I might make some puff pastry appetizers. The problem with all this food is, there probably won't be that many people as everyone is so busy at this time of year! (I did invite my oldest son to stop by after work if he wants as that with solve the "too much food" problem - he can take some home to his brother as well.) Someday I'll have to invite the husbands and SO's but, right now, I do so love to be with just my girlfriends!

Day Somewhere around One Hundred Forty

Just sitting in Comma Coffee listening to some live old time banjo music from one of our local old guys band. Interesting but after awhile, all the songs sound the same - just a little too much washboard at times - I guess it beats cowbells. I think being out of the house today has helped get me into the mood to blog today because during this time of year, and being around the kitchen all day, I just want to bake, which I have been doing a lot of. I've been able to give a lot of it away to friends which makes me feel a little more involved in the Christmas season. I was very busy doing a picture book for my siblings with all the really old photos we had of our parents and grandparents. It was a real chore to get them all scanned and put into an arrangment for printing. I still have to do some kind of key so that everyone knows who is who. My mom had sorted the pictures and given each of us kids our share but none of us knew who had what so, earlier this year I asked my brothers and sisters to send me what they had and I'd put something together. I didn't realize how little we had after they had all arrived by post but, nonetheless, the collection made for a nice book we can all share and past down to our children. I'm sure many families end up with incomplete photo collections as siblings move away from each other and photos end up getting lost or misplaced, not to mention those family members who really could care less about their heritage. I've been wondering lately just what my cousins may or may not have in the way of photos. Another task for me to do one of these days.

The Holidays have seemed rather subdued this year. This season is the first for Bob and I as official empty nesters. I must admit that the house stays much cleaner but I do miss having the available conversation when others are in the house. I've enjoyed listening to my Christmas music everyday and am sure that someone would end up saying something about it if they were subjected to it all day long. I love it. Music makes life rich and poetic and isn't that what it's all about - making life poetic? I believe so. It's certainly not about working yourself to death to make enough money to buy all the stuff that ends up cluttering thought, clouding emotion and getting in the way of real love. It's a trap that I've periodically been snared by. Reflecting on all the things I felt I couldn't live without or the impulse buying I've done for the instant rush is puzzling at best. I'm not sure whether it's a symptom of the times we live in or of the generations past who existed on so little and wanted us to have so much more than they did. Why has consumption become such a conspicuous measure of success for many Americans? Sometimes I'm envious of the lives I can imagine my ancestors living where hard work producing the things they did enjoy gave such a wholesome quality to life and was the true measure of comfort. The things they did have were so special to them. Nowadays, we have so much that we can't place much sentimental value on anything. We don't even anticipate passing down family heirlooms because all the stuff we have can be easily replaced or bought from the next year's clearance table. I didn't even put the fake Christmas tree up this year. I ended up decorating a live evergreen houseplant with only those tree decorations that were made for me by friends, my mom, or by me. An evergreen garland holds the overflow that didn't fit on the houseplant. I must say, my house looks decorated and festive but not contrived. I feel very comfortable this year and look forward to sharing food and wine with friends and, of course, cooking for my guys the feast that is anticipated by all of them. That's really what I enjoy the most. The cherry on top would be to have the company of a dog as loving and good as Buzz was - someday perhaps, after Bob and I have decided not to do so much traveling.