Another year has breezed by with such limpid zest and disinterest that I know not how to distinguish one day from the next. I've tried to delve into projects or past motivations that seem to have no impact on my search for distraction. Even words are becoming harder and harder to come by. My thoughts seem to flow ever so mysteriously to worlds that no longer exist - times gone by and people who are no longer living. Now all those desires I worked so hard at squeezing from this life are superimposed on the lives of the people who are gone before me. It's become a constant game of wondering what those people were able to get out of life before their deaths. I think about the plane crash that took the life of my cousin, Jack, when he was 24, and how it affected my aunt and uncles' lives. How did they react? How did my father react when the news of his daughter's death came over the phone one night when I was only 6 years old? I never knew he had been married before, nor that he had other children. There are times when I wish I had of been more exposed to these things so I would know I'm not alone in my sorrow and grief. I still miss Eric so much.

I was able to keep focus on my plans for a trip with several of my girlfriends to Mexico for Dia de Los Muertos this year. It was a great time and I'm so thankful that I was able to share it with friends. We built a beautiful altar and all were reminded of the losses we suffer as human beings - inescapable human truths we believe we cannot bare, but do and go on sometimes very alone.