Day Sixty-Six

I have resigned myself to the fact that I believe the United States' greatest threat is not what is out there trying to get in, but what is already here and has been for a very long time. It has nothing to do with bombs, guns or foreign terrorists - it's intolerance for one another's ideas and views. The divisiveness is palatable. The displays of hatred are numbing. This country is on a course of implosion if we don't stop harping on our differences instead of focusing on the ideals we agree on. The fear mongering and power grabbing is taking so much away from us. I don't know how I'm going to vote in this next election. I do know there are people that I surely don't want in power, but what a statement of our times to think the only choice is the lesser of the two evils. I used to get excited about voting.

Day Sixty-Five

Quite a beautiful morning. The temperatures have been incredibly warm and the nights crisp and comforting in the knowledge that the season is soon to change. That's the true beauty of living in the high desert, you tend to experience the seasons more intensely than in other areas were the weather and temperatures are more consistent. I do love the Fall, and this easing in weather we've been having is a delight. It prolongs the sense of change. I don't think I could do without it - it's wonderful knowing that nothing stays fixed in time and that we too are capable of embracing the passages in our own lives as something that is natural and found everywhere in nature. Even our backyard bird families have somewhat moved on. There are a few stragglers - a dove that seems to hang around, a couple of finches and the always present sparrow, but most have gone. We did enjoy the birds even more this year.

The mild weather also produces another bonus - more vegetable harvest. I have so many tomatoes, including some wonderful heirloom varieties which will provide us with some very fresh meals to wind down the season. It seems I put tomatoes on everything these days, but no one's complaining. My pumpkin is still growing but not in leaps and bounds as was the case for the last month or so. It's beginning to get the familiar bright orange tint as it matures and has a nice shape to it as well. I told our neighbor's son that he could have it for Halloween as Bob and I will be gone for the holiday. The butternut squash are maturing nicely as well. I'm still harvesting pattypan squash and have many tomatillos still on the vines. The carrots always weather nicely even when it snows. Yesterday, I picked some, steamed them and made a puree with a little butter and some sage that I had crisped in a pan with a little grapeseed oil. I had cut up an Aidele's pineapple sausage and pan fried it with some Fuji apple slices which made a healthy lunch with the carrot puree. Delicious. We're still pouring the grape syrup over vanilla ice cream for desert each evening. The only thing I wish I had better access to is fresh fish. I could really go for a piece of salmon tonight.

For anyone who loves to cook, I would strongly recommend the magazine Donna Hay. I believe it's one of those magazines that steps good cooking up a notch. The ingredients are simple and focus on fresh produce and other seasonal ingredients. If you're a good cook to begin with, these recipes will help you go to the next level. In the most recent issue (51) the How to Cook section features polenta which is one of my very favorite foods because it is so versatile and, in my book, is a true comfort food. There's a speck and maple beans with thyme toasts recipe that I'm going to put together one of these evenings. Soup, stew and beans are my main Fall repertoire. So easy and quick.

Day Sixty-Three and Sixty-Four

I think I'm way too excited about our upcoming trip to Scotland as it's three weeks away and I've already packed - a new record. I still have a lot of stuff I need to do. I want to get all the ancestry information together on our Scottish ancestors so that I can do a little snooping while there. I haven't uploaded all the DC photos yet pertaining to the Burges/Howell descendants onto Ancestry.com yet either. There's so much to do and every time I think I've accomplished something with regard to the research, it just ends up opening more doors that need to be walked through! Sometimes it can be overwhelming and such a daunting task. In fact, I don't even think it can be classified as a "task" anymore - it's more like a full time job. And, with all the things on my "to do" list, writing has become a chore as well. I didn't want that to happen. Writing is so much a part of my self induced therapy and very important to my peace of mind. When I don't have a lot on my mind, the words and thoughts just flow. Unfortunately, the words and thoughts are taking a back burner right now to all of the self induced tasks I taken on, and now with the Scotland trip looming, I just want October 16th to get here! Remember, enjoy each day as it comes and ultimately goes. Sip your tea, sit by the window, bask in the unseasonably warm, crisp weather before it slips away.

Day Sixty, Sixty-One and Sixty-Two

The days go by so fast. Each one blurring into the next. During the last year of my father's life, I can remember commenting to him how quickly each day passes. His comment to me was, "Wait till you get to be my age." I felt sorry that his good years had concluded so quickly. The last two years of his life was a constant struggle to just to breath. I think of my father often and have many regrets at not asking him about his life - growing up in Oklahoma, his life prior to WWII and his service in the war, his parents, and just generally what it was like when he was young. I so want to know now and putting the pieces together without that direct knowledge is so challenging.

After we came back from Washington DC, I noticed

that the grapes growing on the back patio were beginning to smell wonderful so I pulled a couple off and popped them in my mouth - wow. This is the first year they've actually be edible. They have quite an intense flavor. It would be difficult to just eat them one by one so I cooked them down and made a light syrup to pour over ice cream. Really, really tasty. I didn't use much sugar and the creamy sweetness of a scoop of vanilla along side makes a refreshing dessert. Bob loves it (of course, he loves anything involving vanilla).

Day Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight and Fifty-Nine

Being away from the house is a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, I love to travel, to see things I've never seen before and experience the sense of history in new areas. These experiences truly awaken my desire to create, learn and most importantly, reflect on my life as being just a flash of time in the scheme of existence. There is something comforting about feeling small and insignificant - it allows me to just "be" without fearing the spores of inadequacy floating all around me, awaiting to land and slowly devour my uniquely human experience. We are all what we are supposed to be and we are truly alone in this world. By alone I mean each individual's experiences and thoughts can only be realized by that person. No one can be in the thoughts and experiences of another - in this sense we are on our own. Psychologists and psychiatrists attempt to explain the thought and experiences of others and predict human behavior. The real experience, however, is only there for the individual actually realizing it. Prediction is just that - an attempt to explain effect by viewing from the outside what a person does when faced with a litany of situations. Each of us are the only keepers of the key to ourselves. No one else, no manner how learned, can possess such a key. It's a powerful thing we all have and many of us don't even realize it. Our experience is clouded by greed, envy, uncontrollable desires and the man-made ideas related to purpose, faith and control - all barraging us from the outside when everything we need is inside. The act of being away from home produces the experiences needed for me to get back to the inside - home - where I can reflect on what makes "me," "me."

Day Fifty-Six

Our last day in DC and it was marvelously quiet, early Fall day. It has been unseasonably warm here but with a little cloud cover, the day was most enjoyable. We took it easy and ended up back on the Mall headed to the American History Museum. Both of us had seen it before but when you're herding 50 8th grade students, you don't get to spend some time with the exhibits you really want to absorb. So, we took our time and had a enjoyable stroll. Once we were at the saturation point, we decided to catch an early afternoon lunch and ended up on Constitution and S St., sat outside and ate, and then walked around the neighborhood. Definitely upper class, white area with several embassies along the way. We stumbled into the Textile Museum and then decided to get back to the car and head over to the Basilica - and am I glad we did. In contrast to the National Cathedral, the Basilica is very bright, full of bright, colorful mosaics, and imbues the onlooker with the knowledge that man is meant to find meaning and beauty in life and it's many passages. The crypt Chapel is more subdued but nonetheless so impressive with the low, vaulted ceilings. It gives the impression that even death is a movement toward something discoverable. After that, we headed back over to Roselyn and stopped at the Cheesecake Factory for dessert! What a fitting way to end a vacation. Tomorrow is airport shuttling time.

Day Fifty-Five

Wow what a day. We began by walking the Mall including the Jefferson Memorial - all on foot mind you, but it was an incredibly lovely day, probably around 82 degrees and clear. I had never seen the WWII Memorial and was deeply moved. I got a picture of the Oklahoma wreath as this was the State my father came from when he was drafted and served in the Pacific Theatre (Nagoya - Occupied Japan). It meant a lot to me but I don't think Dad would have really cared as he always said, "I'm a lover not a fighter," and was ready to come home immediately upon the birth of his third child (his first with Blanche Marie Burges). He served as a corporal. Then we went on to the Congressional Cemetery to find the burial place of Gustavus Howell, my maternal great,great,great grandfather who died in 1836. When we parked in front of the cemetery office a gentleman was leaving and asked us if we were looking for a relative. I was kind of taken aback as I had just stepped out of the car and didn't really see where he came from. It so happened that he is the Board Chairman of the Congressional Cemetery Executive Board and there was also a docent who was wrapping up his day as well. They both ushered us back into the locked office and started pulling out records! They found the plot on the map (which we would never have found without assistance) and the docent walked us to the site. Unfortunately, there is no headstone but in the picture, I am probably standing on GGGGrandfather Howell! Curiously, the internment records show that there were two burials at the site (the same site probably one on top of the other). The first burial reads, "Gustavus Howell, 9/16/1836" and the second reads, "Gustavus Howell, 12/12/1869." The only thing I can think of is that Gustavus died in 1836, and Augustus Howell died in 1869 and was buried on top of his father. I'm so sorry there is no headstone. Another mystery to be solved!

Day Fifty-Four

We went out to Gettysburg on a day that was wonderfully picturesque mainly due to the extraordinary weather - perfect temperatures and the clouds gave such definition to the landscape and sky. It added an extra element to the significance of the experience. After seeing and reading about the history of the Battle of Gettysburg, I truly believe every American should visit this site at sometime in their life when the significance can be realized. There is not a lot one can say. Just prior to this battle, Chancellorsville had been a significant victory for Lee's forces and he was flying rather high. Gettysburg was the first offensive campaign for Lee's army and they took many risks which didn't pay off. With Antietam looming ahead, it would still be almost another two years before the war ends and with so many more casualties. Fantastic tour, fantastic theatre presentation and the cyclorama was incredible. The memories will be enduring.

Day Fifty-Three

Today we're going to head out to the Gettysburg Battlefield. We'll get started early as I think we'll need a full day to tour the site. I'm very excited.

I do need to post another picture however. Yesterday we also found the church where Will and Blanche Burges were married in 1904.

It is in Will's childhood neighborhood and must have been his family's parish church - I'll do some more checking when I get home.

Day Fifty-Two

Today we decided to head into Washington to the Mall and see the newest of the Smithsonian Museums, the Native American History Museum. Wow - it was impressive and well worth the time spent. We first put coins in the meter to give ourselves two hours, but ended up feeding the meter a couple more times so that we could spend enough time there and include a short walk through the NationalGallery to view the early American artists. I think my favorite is still John Singer Sargent. What a portrait artist he was. There were also a couple of John Winslow Homer paintings that are also some of my favorites. We had a wonderful time together.

It began to rain a little as we found ourselves back at the car and figuring out what we'd do next. I thought the best use of time would be to explore the old Burges stomping grounds on Capitol Hill. We did manage to locate the Burges home where William Gregory Burgess lived until he married in 1904. The home is on the 1900 Census as 1107 Park

Place NE and is right between Constitution Ave and 2nd St. It's a small street that parallels both, connecting the two. The street is charming and this is where, in 1900, Will Burges listed his occupation as "bicycle repairman." It's so close to the Capitol and I could just imagine all the happenings around there in the early 1900's.

We then went on to the house listed in the 1910 Census where the young Burges couple lived with their two children George and Margaret. It was located on 1425 Pennsylvania Ave SE and I say "located" because it is not there anymore.

There is a convenience store on the corner and

several vacant lots on which, I believe their house would have stood. It would have been a real treasure to find but I'm sure this isthe fate of many homes in the area. So we headed to the last location my grandparents settled into before heading West - 118 C Street SE which also does not exist. The Library of Congress absorbed the side of the street where 118 would have been. I did get a picture of 119 on the opposite side of the street.

Day Fifty-One

What beautiful weather here in DC and such moisture in the air! We took the morning and walked from our hotel to Arlington Cemetery to look for the memorial headstone of Jeremiah McKnew, an maternal ancestor (Rezin Harbin's wife's father) who fought in the American Revolutionary War. Unfortunately I couldn't locate it and I do believe it was operator error as I had directions to the stone from one of the docents in the headstone locating office. We walked all over the cemetery as it is quite moving and poignant in many areas. One of my favorite places is the Lee House - especially with its history and the constant reminder of the fact that if Lee hadn't come in on the side of the South, there probably wouldn't have been over 320,000 headstones on the grounds of his estate. Lee was not a lover of secession and believed the act of secession would ruin the Country. But his "honor" dictated that he not move against his relatives and fellow Virginians and so his fatal course was set. Arlington is a masterpiece of remembrance.

On a tip from a cousin's wife and fellow researcher, Kathy Naumann, Bob and I headed for Oxon Hill where my maternal grandmother, Blanche Howell, was born and raised. Her parents, Joseph and Josephine Howell, were buried at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Oxon Hill. We were successful in finding the headstones. Joseph passed away in 1912. Bertha (Blanche Howell's younger sister, passed away in 1914, and Josephine passed away in 1922. It was within a few years of Josephine's passing that William and Blanche Burges headed out West with their two children, Margaret and George. What a beautiful church and church yard cemetery.

It was at dusk and the sunset passed through the trees just

behind me casting a wonderful glow which, to me, meant a lot in the scheme of things and the cycle of lives that come and go throughout time. It was peaceful and reassuring to not only find their final resting place, but also to know that I had found the area where they had lived, loved and ultimately ended life.

Back to our hotel to get some rest and reflect on a very fruitful day.

Day Fifty

Flew into Reagan Int'l and picked up a rental car. Since Bob and I were on different flights and different airlines, I needed to travel to Dulles to pick him up and had no problems doing so. I thought the traffic was going to be much worse than it was.

Day Forty-Seven thru Forty-Nine

Didn't do much over the past few days as I'm trying to get things ready for our Washington DC trip. I'm sorry I waited till the last minute to get some of the ancestry site information together because there's so much. I will give it my best however, when in DC to gather as much information and pictures as possible.

Day Forty-Six

I just saw the back of my 1957 Morris Minor on the top of a flat bed trailer as it turned the corner of my street forever! Yes, I sold it and am movin' on. It was a cheap way to get over a mid life phase but I can comfortably say, "ce la vie." No more cars! What a huge money drain they are. I'd rather walk or fly. I guess I'll have to get a new broom though.

Day Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four and Forty-Five

Doubt has somehow pierced my tranquility and I haven't had a care to write about it. It's been several days and I've almost lost count but will drag the calendar out and reveal the reality. I know what it is and just can't seem to acknowledge it. My world exists on two playing fields. Oscar Wilde once said, "One's real life is the life one does not live," and I'm sure this is poignantly true for me. Quitting my last employment and settling into the idea of not working outside the home anymore gave me a real feeling of freedom - one I had not experienced before. The peace overriding any thoughts I may have had was like a river of chocolate - sweet, indulgent, and never ending (so it seemed). Then came the fateful phone call that beckoned me back into the world where one exists to be made into something that is plastic, mortal and expected. I had applied for a job working the legislative session which starts in January and ends in June. Since we have a biennial legislature, workers are needed only temporarily every two years and it works out to be a nice little working stint that can bring in some money for the time being. I took the test which, I was told, would take about four weeks to score, but found myself in an interview just one week later. And guess what?! I will be working the Session. This is where the two worlds that have recently collided come into play. There is a part of me that is desperately in need of validation and a part of me that is perfectly content with just being. My recent period of tranquility proved how strongly I need that side of me to be nourished but then the part that desires the validation to come from without crept in and became the focus. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about working the Session as I know I can do a great job, focus for the six months it will take, and then be excited once again with the freedom that comes afterwards (and I'll have a little money to solidify the experience). But the freedom I have been experiencing has been buried deep, or retreated to a formidable depth, and even though I have several months before I begin the "job," the freedom has been defeated and I'm afraid I must work on bringing it back up to the surface for the months ahead. I must realize this is not a black and white state of being - it's not either or - this feeling of freedom can be nurtured even when one is not truly free. If it is nurtured and tenured, I should be able to summon it any time I desire. I think the past couple of days have been especially hard for me because I have not wanted to face the task of making sure tranquility is accessible whenever I want it to be. So, I'm going out to water the garden. I am going to take my time and not look at it as a chore or something I need to get done. It's a start - a beginning point to once again create a safe place in my psyche for peace and quiet.

Day Thirty-Nine, Forty and Forty-One

A bit under the weather for the past couple of days. I don't know whether it's a head cold or allergies. I did notice when Bob and I were walking by the river, the rabbit brush was in exceptional bloom. On Saturday I had signed up to do a Raku firing at the Brewery Arts so I did spend all day out in the sun and helped in the process of removing the red, glowing pottery items from the kiln. I was exhausted when it was over and today I was worthless. I have a couple of good pieces that came out of the kiln however. I just hope I feel better tomorrow.

Day Thirty-Seven and Thirty-Eight

Yesterday I taught a quilting class at a local quilt store - really enjoyed it. We took an old quilt, or new quilt that is not quite loved enough, and cut it up to make a project tote or large tote sack. One of my students brought in a Christmas wall-hanging that she was not crazy about and never actually put up on a wall, and made a very large drawstring tote bag. We used every single bit of the wall-hanging - nothing was wasted. She was thrilled and I was thrilled that she was so pleased. I think it's nice to be able to do something useful with projects that don't get any use because they aren't quite what they were hoped to be. I also did some shopping myself as I want to make something for my niece's new daughter. This is the perfect quilt shop for that as most of the fabrics in Beth's shop are young, fanciful and very colorful. I brought home one fat quarter that spoke to me and then coordinated several other fabrics I already had in my stash so I'm ready to put something together. I'm not going to elude any further to what I have in store for the project as my niece is a follower of this blog. Besides, she is so talented herself that I have to really put my thinking cap on to make it something special.

Today is going to be salsa making day. I have already roasted about 15 pounds of tomatillos I bought at the farmer's market so I'll just have to prepare the fresh ingredients and add those after whirling the tomatillos in the blender. I was hoping the green bell peppers in my garden would be ready by now, but they're about the size of baseballs and don't quite look like they're ready to be picked. I can eat my salsa with a spoon it's so good. Another thing I've been canning are refrigerator pickles. I can't believe how easy they are and soooo wonderful. They're similar to the Clausen pickles in the deli section of the grocery store. Real fresh and crunchy. I did pick some tomatillos out of my garden yesterday but I think I'm going to slice them, dip them in egg and roll them in bread crumbs to deep fry. I have a piece of Alaskan salmon to prepare for dinner and thought the fried tomatillos would be a good accompaniment. I'm debating as to whether or not to add some fresh oregano, fresh basil, or herbs de Provence to the bread crumbs, but just some smokey paprika might be enough. I like tomatillos because they have such a peppery, citrus flavor. We'll see.

It's a beautiful morning, cool, with the complicated shadows the sun creates when it climbs at a lower angle in the sky. That's one reason I love

the Fall so much - the lower angle of the sun casts such interesting shadows especially since all the vegetation is still in all it's glory. I took a picture of my copper tree last evening when the sun had settled low enough for it to shine through the tree leaves and hit the copper leaves. It just glowed. It's rather difficult to capture it on film as it's in a busy part of the backyard and since my house sits up from the backyards of my neighbors, sometimes they get sun while I'm still in shade. The tree is made from copper cable that my youngest son brought home from the dump one day. He has such an eye for things and loves to recycle stuff just as I do. The cable is solid copper and he brought home about 50 lbs of it. I'm sure someone didn't realize that they were tossing money into the waste piles. It bends pretty easy - I did have to use pliers - and some of the cable lengths were larger than others. The trunk is part of the cable that I left twisted and just lapped other cable on top and used separated pieces to twist those together. The long separated pieces I used to make the branches and bought some copper flashing from the hardware store to make the leaves. For 17 years I have tried to get something to grow in that corner of my yard without any success. It may be that it just does not get enough sun or, there may be some construction debris that was pushed into that corner and so nothing grows there. So, after years of frustration and dying plants, I now have a copper tree.