Why did I not grieve so much at my father's passing as I have at my son's? What is it that makes it so difficult to accept and understand a child being gone as understanding or accepting the death of the one who gave you life? If we are only concerned with the ego then shouldn't the death of the host be more debilitating than the death of the progeny? In either case, it's the realization of the combination of two lives creating a distinctly unique whole that transcends the idea of the loss of one of the elements that created the new.
Each generation combines the history of two others. Every time a generation creates the next, the history of the past doubles and forms a richer history for each individual. The genetics, the experiences and the capacity for understanding and feeling is multiplied. Each generation becomes a more complex version of the last with an even more complex genetic make up than the one before it. Is there a point where we will no longer feel loss and love as deeply as at this moment because it will somehow get lost in the capacity of the human spirit to experience these emotions? Will we get so saturated that we become desensitized to it all? I only know that the pain I am experiencing now could not possibly get any greater for fear of total loss of the will to live. Whh is the depth of love only realized at the cost of great loss? I am dumbfounded at he need for existence.
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