Yes, it's been awhile and much has transpired since my last post. My garden is my solace right now and as I look out and see everything growing tall and beautiful, I wonder at the idea that I can get such pleasure out of the cycle of life and death that so beautifully plays out season after season. The sunflowers are in their glory and some have already gone to seed, sustaining the multitude of birds that show themselves this time of year. The bees are all abuzz, covering the lavender in full bloom. I've wanted to pick some of the fragrant stems but am reluctant, knowing that I might take some of the joy from the bees who are covered by an armor of pollen. They look like little Samarai busily collecting their treasure before the hints of the next season steal it away.
I look out and see all of the projects that have kept us busy over the years we have been in this house - now reaping the rewards of jobs well done. And I see Eric all over the landscape as many of the projects were begun and finished by him. From the raised vegetable beds to the castle block retaining walls and the water fountain, the new deck out front and the paving stone driveway, his handiwork is a reminder of a life that has since passed. There was the baby, the boy and the young man, who all grew up here and left their mark among the people, places and things we have left. How many, many times in my life here in Carson City have I planned my escape from this place, but now, there is no ache to leave, just an ache to be where he was and always will be. Here in the garden is my Eden. The flowers are not perfect, the weeds still grow and there are the bugs, but as in life, it is the perfect mirror of beauty that still exists in imperfection. Even though Eric had his shortcomings, I still love him so and miss him. It is as C.S. Lewis said, "[His] absence is like the sky, spread over everything."
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