Day One Hundred Nine through Thirteen

This is the first day I've been alone in the house since our vacation ended and, I must say, it feels good. I'm a bit down after spending four days at St. Mary's Art Center with some friends and acquaintances. Beautiful mountain air, sunshine and picturesque surroundings make for a relaxing experience. Even though I did produce two paintings which I am rather satisfied with, I just don't do well being around other women I don't seek out as regular companions. I find I have problems dealing with other's idiosyncrasies. It's better for me, now more than ever, to spend my time with people whom I have an intimate relationship with as I don't tend to notice things about them that may bother me. In other words, I guess I need to focus on the times I can be with my close friends and family and remind myself that these are the people who mean the most to me - those who I have the energy to expend my efforts toward, building even stronger relationships with and learning to love and appreciate on a deeper level. I feel like I neglect those who mean the most to me when I am around other's who I have problems tolerating. It's something I've tried to work on and, at times, I have been successful in doing just that, but for the most part I tend to revert back to the same level of intolerance that is deeply ingrained in me. Although maybe this time I have finally realized it's futile for me to continue trying and really, why am I challenging myself to achieve something that may not be in me. Why I don't just accept acknowledging those who I am comfortable around and skip the pretense of enjoying the rest, is beyond me. Maybe this realization will set some roots. Thank God for the good friends I do have and work to keep those friendships lasting and meaningful. I guess it's pertinent to the old adage about spreading oneself too thin which applies to people as well as activities.