Day Eleven

I have mixed emotions as to whether or not today was successful or a set back in terms of my journey to find contentment. I did have my interview but agonized over it last night and most of the morning. I was relieved when it ended and I walked out of the building reminding myself that I am still free of the fear and stress associated with employment. I can't say the interview was good, nor can I say it was bad. I do know that I have felt a level of satisfaction lately that I have never felt before in my life and it feels good. I know that I want to discover the depths of that satisfaction and continue on this journey. There is a part of me, however, that still needs the confirmation of others and my self worth still cowers at the thought of rejection. I'm not sure I would accept the job even it were offered. It's almost as if I need one last victory before I take myself out of the game. The funny thing is, I've never been concerned about the game and I wonder what part of me is clinging to the realm of the fake, forced and conforming me.