It might be a blessing that we ended up back in Carson as we're sitting here this morning watching the snow come down rather heavily. I don't recall seeing birds at the feeder when it's this bad, but they must be hungry as there are quite a few braving the large snowflakes to get at the seed in the finch socks. Just in the last hour there's probably been about a two inch accumulation. Where better to be than at home, our classical music playing in the background, sipping our tea and coffee and taking in the meditative sight of large snowflakes falling, rapidly frosting all of the objects that endure the seasons on their own. These are the times I feel fortunate to live in such a place that so beautifully showcases the many attributes of the four seasons. I know there must be many other places that are equally, if not more lovely than the current visage, but I'm thankful to be right here in this moment. It seems I've been chasing that illusive environment that will somehow provide the means to contentment and satisfaction, but then I'm shaken into the realization that "I" am still in each of the places that I'm hoping will redeem me. When I do experience peace at any one time, in any one particular situation, I believe I need to take it in and try to understand what it is that is giving me just that - it is inside me, not outside.
I think it's a startling revelation for one who does not believe in fate to come to the realization that much of what makes us happy comes from within. To be a believer in fate, one must also believe in an intelligent design which I'm not sure I believe exists. I've always maintained that one must create the life one wants to live and not wait for it to happen because of some force of design that is not defined or known. The only problem with that way of thinking, for me anyway, has been to accept the boundaries of one's own heart and mind. It's sometimes a sobering realization that I probably don't have the mental capacity to do certain things. For instance, I know I could never be a nuclear physicist - nor could I be an opera singer. There are limitations that all of us have to understand and channel desire and ability into a direction that provides the best possible avenue to fulfillment. The abilities we are born with need to be understood and grasped by each of us. Then, to take the abilities and do wonderful things by their means is the ultimate fulfillment. There are things that I would love to do that I know I can do but can't seem to muster the motivation, nor have I been able to muster the motivation to accomplish them. I've always wanted to write the great American novel and I'm sure I could write a book (maybe not the greatest) but I've only been able to come up with some great titles! I think the real need is to come up with an idea for the guts - don't ya think. It makes me wonder how people who do write great books come up with their ideas. Where did JK Rowling get her ideas for the Harry Potter books, for instance? I think that's totally fantastical and wish I had something that deep inside I could drawn on for inspiration. I'm probably too pragmatic in my thoughts. It's not that I don't try!
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