Over the years I've attempted to keep several journals, writing down thoughts relating to my state of mind and life, as well as events taking place during the intervals, but never really was able to keep up with the task of actually writing. This morning, after walking downtown to get my hair cut, I gathered up the old journals (the ones I actually have left) and thought I would begin to read through them. Some of my thoughts ended up written out on pieces of paper that ended up just stuck in various journals I was keeping at thetime. The one I opened this morning contained many issues startlingly similar to many of the issues I am now tackling at this juncture in my life. I guess sometimes certain feelings just don't go away or resolve themselves on their own - amazing. I think it's always been my hope that feelings and behaviors, like wounds, heal themselves. The only difference now is the fact that I doindeed intend to salve the old wounds - no more picking at the scab.
One of the major issues I've faced is the fact that I tend to expect certain things from others regarding their behavior. With all the experiences I've had with people not living up to my expectations, you'd think I would have gotten the message a long time ago. The only person I have a right to expect certain behavior from is myself. It's no
t been my way to try to imitate others or live a certain way. Finding my path has been difficult however - the focus now will be on listening, watching and seeking out the behaviors of others who are holy (not in the religious sense but the spiritual) and to learn from them. Incorporating beliefs into my own life which are meaningful and those which I feel to be right and wholesome is important to me. It's not necessary to "go" somewhere or "read" something to free the spirit - it is humble and needs nothing special or store bought. It becomes indispensable to the soul to dismiss materialism and avoid overeating and drinking in order to be free from the distractions that provide a barrier to real discovery. Pay special attention to the needs of the immediate family and don't have expectations of others. Meaningful change will come, as well as enlightenmen
t if the desire for it becomes a part of everyday life. Not everything will be clear all of the time. Explore the art of living, explore the life within, and be still. Ignore the behaviors of others that tend to annoy and don't judge or dismiss them because of their behavior. Everyone is on a journey and the journeys are varied. Mine is no better than another's - but it is mine and deserves my respect and attention.
"Do not contend - live in a good place, keep your mind deep, treat others well, stand by your word, make fair rules, do the right thing, work when its time." Taoism
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